she was so not down for the gang bang
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
