tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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