Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
