She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
