So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
