Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
