I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize