Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
