dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
