So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize