So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
