i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
