i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she peed on how many people?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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