my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
