I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
