he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
