Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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