Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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