He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
