I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a hot homeless man
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
