I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to fling myself into the sun
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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