Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
