We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
