He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
