I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
