My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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