I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
