Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
