maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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