Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
