Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
