she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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