I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
