I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I skipped work to stalk him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
