Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
