You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize