im six kinds of drunk right now
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
