Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
