We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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