so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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