God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
