1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
