The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
