There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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