apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
