after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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