This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
