last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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