my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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