So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
