Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
