you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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