So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What a dumb baby whore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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