Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
