Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think I died a long time ago.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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