Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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