I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
