she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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