I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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