You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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