In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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