thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
