i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
