Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
