He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
