ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize