you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think my moral compass just broke
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