Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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