I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
