I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude i'm inner monologue high
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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