Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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