just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she told me i tasted like america
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
