Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
