I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
